Guilt, stress, and getting back into art

What emotionally fragile creatures we artist’s can be.

I have spent the last week suffering from stress and guilt - all studio related.  For almost a week I have not been able to get my foot in the door of my studio (which is quite a feat since it’s the spare bedroom right across from the master bedroom).  I have struggled with myself trying to discover the whys and potential workarounds: taking a sketchbook out of the room, reading up on getting back into art, trying to figure out why I can‘t get back in there.

The sketchbook thing didn’t really work.  For one day it worked just fine.  I managed a bit of sketching, laying out some future painting/drawing ideas and trying out some thoughts in general.  But after that hour or so, the sketchbook pretty much didn’t move from the coffee table.  Even though I had everything I needed in the room, I just couldn’t go any further.

I went to the internet for some much needed advice.  I hit on a few sites that basically said the same thing:

     1)    Buy a new (fun/pleasing) sketchbook

     2)   Spend 15 min everyday doing something creative  

     3)   Find inspiration (visit galleries, read books, watch DVDs)

None of these options really worked for me.  First, I have WAYYY too many supplies to justify buying one more sketchbook.  My sense of fiscal responsibility completely rebelled at the idea.  So that was out.

As I noted above, spending 15 minutes everyday drawing/sketching/painting won’t work either.  I can’t even put myself in my studio for 5 minutes and bringing my sketchbook out didn’t work either.

Examples for finding inspiration I have actually done.  I spent a lot of time watching DVDs, reading books and checking out finished work on the internet.  I did get a stirring of inspiration for techniques and supply, but nothing lasting or strong enough to get me working.

So.  When all else fails, what do you do?  Time to think back to my last full attempt in my studio.  What happened then?  If I remember correctly my last real attempt in the studio was when I tried out that new technique using charcoal to make a painting plan.  My first try was a fantastic success of an image of my daughter playing at the creek. 

My second attempt was disasterous!   What felt like a wonderfully successful portrait turned into the biggest horror story I’ve had in a long time.   In fact, the drawing is still in there, mounted on the drawing board and turned away so I won’t have to look at it every time I pass the studio….I may have figured out my problem…

Okay, so step one, get rid of that horrendous drawing!  Done.  A bit of tidying up and the room looks ready to come into.  With a big sigh of relief, I pulled out an old line drawing idea of a farm I did many years ago, a sheet of newsprint, and the charcoal stick.  Even though my last attempt with charcoal turned out so badly, I was still impressed enough with the technique to want to try again.  I didn’t go as dark this time, and I only put down enough to get the general idea in.

With that done, I had a brief inspiration to do a floral in the same manner.  I was really drawn to doing a sunflower image, but since I don’t have an sunflower to work from I pulled out some fakes to try.  I set up a container and some light and started sketching.

I think I worked in the room for about 45 minutes, with about 35 minutes of total drawing time.  I decided to quit when I was starting to feel tired and frustrated with the sunflowers.  Best to end on a high note :)

Only time will tell if I fixed the problem and can once again live guilt free and productive in my studio, but hopefully I’ve found the solution, at least until the next disaster :)